


Behind blue eyes

by furiousflamewolf



Series: Toni & Lucas [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Brotherly Love, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 14:44:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15798678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiousflamewolf/pseuds/furiousflamewolf
Summary: Toni realizes that some people are beyond saving. Even if it means giving up on his own mother.





	Behind blue eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for homophobic language
> 
> This is set after the first story. There are no major spoilers for the last 2 unposted chapters.
> 
> Song borrowed from: The Who/Limp Bizkit

Lucas stirred. Someone was ringing their doorbell. Lucas turned to the other side. Burying his face in Toni's chest. Trying to block out the sound. He heard Toni sigh in his sleep. The Germans arm drawing him closer. However the doorbell didn't stop ringing. It didn't matter how much Lucas tried to ignore it. With a huff he gently uncurled Toni's arm from his waist. Swinging his legs off the bed he grabbed a hoodie and put it on. It was December and despite the heater being on it was still cold. Toni buried his face deeper into the pillow. Lucas ran a hand through his hair affectionatly. A kiss was placed on the Germans forehead. The doorbell was ringing again. "Yes, yes I am coming", Lucas hissed in Spanish. 

Usually the mail man left their mail on the doorstep. Lucas hadn't had a chance to look at his phone but he knew it was still early. The doorbell ran again impatiently before it was swung open by the Spaniard. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around his body. Lifting him up. "Lucas", a happy voice shouted. Lucas felt lightheaded. "Felix", the Spaniard croaked out when he was let go. Toni hadn't told him his brother would be visiting. Not that it was a problem. Not at all but there was also a second visitor. Standing behind Felix. Clearly looking less enthusiastic than Toni's brother. Out of politeness Lucas stepped back and let the visitors in. The woman looking around the house suspiciously. "Where is Toni ??", she asked her voice ice cold. Lucas froze for a moment. 

Felix was smiling at him. The Spaniard was biting his lip nervously. The woman was about to speak up again when Felix stopped her. Raising his hand at her. "Could you please get Toni ??" Lucas nodded. Toni was still asleep. He slept better after having dealt with his father. It had been over 3 years now. Gently the Spaniard shook Toni awake. Running a hand through the blond hair. Toni stirred lightly. Burying his head deeper in the pillow. "Antonio, Amor you have to wake up." The blonds forehead creased in worry. His eyes opening slowly. "Babe are you ok ??", he asked his voice still laced with sleep. Lucas smiled at him. Toni sat up groggily. Still half-asleep. "Felix is here", the Spaniard announced, "and I think your mother too." Toni's half closed eyes snapped open. He frowned. Lucas was caressing his neck slowly. 

With a heavy sigh the blond rubbed his forehead before swinging his legs of the bed. Lucas came up to him and tried to calm him down. His hand never leaving Tonis neck. The German buried his face in the Spaniards chest. His arms wrapping themselves around Lucas' waist. Drawing him in closer. Not a sheet of paper fitting between them. They stayed like that for a while. Before Lucas cupped his cheeks. Capturing his lips in a lazy kiss. Morning kisses were still the best ones. Lucas broke it, nuzzling Tonis cheek and making the German sigh. Toni's thumb caressing Lucas' cheek before he got up. Now fully embracing the Spaniard and kissing his forehead. He bent down to grab Lucas' grey hoodie. Throwing it around his shoulders before zipping it up. He didn't have to show up half-naked did he. "I'll make coffee", the Spaniard replied.

Running a hand through his messy hair Toni saw Felix sit at their living room table. As soon as his brother saw him he was nearly knocked over by the sheer force of the hug he was given. Toni smiled. He had missed his brother he really had. "You look good baby brother." Felix beamed at him. A wide smile stretching across his face. Toni pat his cheek gently. "Toni." The German sighed. "Mother." It had been over 3 years since he had last seen her. "Who is that man Toni ?? Toni looked at his brother. Raising his eyebrow in question. Felix shrugged. Looking at his feet embarrassed. "That "man" is my husband", Toni replied his voice sharp and unwavering. His mother's face finally showing emotion her eyes tightened into slits. "Your husband ??", she questioned. Her voice laced with disgust and disbelief. 

Lucas emerged from the kitchen with a tray. Setting it on the table. His hand wrapping itself around Tonis shoulder. "Mother please", Felix hissed in her direction. His brother had told his mother nothing then. Toni sighed. His fingers rubbing his temple in frustration. "We have to talk Toni, in private without "him", gesturing at Lucas as if he was some kind of thing that could be put away. The chair he was currently sitting in was pushed back loudly. The blonds hands were on the table pushing against it looking his mother right in the eye. "Say that again and I won't have a problem showing you out, "Mother." Lucas tugged at his arm. Leading him into the kitchen. Cupping his face. The Spaniard knew Toni was hurting. "It's ok Antonio she is still your Mother."

Both re-emerged from the kitchen. Toni sitting down again. Lucas had convinced him to at least give his mother a chance. Toni had sighed and agreed. Lucas would leave them alone.To talk. He kissed Toni on the lips briefly. Talk about rubbing it in right in his mother's face. "Te amo, Antonio." Lucas' smile was soft. "Ich liebe dich auch", the German replied. Before Lucas let go of his wrist and disappeared into their bedroom. Toni was still smiling when Lucas had left. He was like a teenager in love. Felix was smiling wildly. His mother was looking at him wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open. She looked like a fish without water. "My son is not into men", she replied shaking her head. "I had a wife", Toni replied his voice soft when thinking about Jessica. He still missed her so much. At least he didn't feel like crying every time he thought of her.

His mother looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "A wife ?? Where is she then ?? Did you cheat on her ?? Did you leave her for that man ??" Toni laughed. It was a bitter laugh. Now he felt like crying. Obviously his mother couldn't know but still. Felix had tried to stop his mother from saying something stupid. With no success. "She is dead", Toni's voice broke. Silence filled the room. His mother saying "Oh" dumbly. Toni was looking at his hands. Playing with the ring on his finger. Turning it around. When marrying Lucas he had kept his old platin ring. Reminding him what he had lost but also what he had gained. "Your wife is dead ??", his mother questioned again. Toni just nodded. He was too tired to specify. He just wanted to go to bed and hug Lucas to his chest. Forgetting about the world right now.

"I am sorry", his mother's voice was soft this time. It reminded Toni of the times he would get sick as a kid. When she would make him soup and tuck him to bed. He had missed his mother there was no denying that. "And this man…." "Lucas", Toni cut her off. "Lucas", she continued, "does he make you happy ??" This time Toni smiled. It was a genuine smile. "Yes", he replied softly. His mother remained silent for a long period of time. Toni saw her shake her head. The blond fixed his gaze towards a picture behind his mother. Ignoring her. He was tired. "I won't accept this Toni." Toni shrugged. He could feel Felix' eyes on him. His mother demanded that he look at her when she spoke. Toni remained unfazed. The guilty-trip tactic wouldn't work on him. Then she proceeded to say that Lucas had corrupted him. When his mother called Lucas a faggot, the blond lost it.

The chair he was sitting in fell to the floor with a loud thud. That echoed through the wall of the house like a haunting melody. Toni's eyes were blazing. The blue in them reflecting so much anger. Toni's jaw was set and then he laughed. "Out", he snarled at his own mother. Pointing at the door. His mother's eyes grew big. They looked like Tennis balls. Toni had warned her once. "I won't sit here and listen while you insult my husband. Someone you don't even know." His mother got up. Her eyes hard as well. He definitely came after her. Toni knew that. He had hoped he could talk to his mother like a civilised person. Apparently he couldn't. He felt his heart ache. His mother had become like his father. Which was the real tragedy here. Toni shook his head. Still in disbelief. "You don't have children", he heard his mother say.

Frustrated the blond ran a hand through his hair. He had promised Felix when they had phoned he would try to get along with his mother. She had hurt too. She had been manipulated too. Toni took a deep breath. His eyes met Felix'. Now he felt incredibly guilty. He sat down again. Taking a mug Lucas had placed there early. Sipping on the coffee. The hot liquid burning his mouth. Toni didn't even feel it. Meanwhile Felix had managed to calm his mother down. She sat again. Silence had filled the room. "I had a son", Toni's voice broke completely. Desperately trying not to let the tears fall. He didn't succeed. Some were rolling down his cheeks. Down his chin and then landing on his hand. "His name was Leon." His mother asked him where he was. Felix grabbing her arm to silence her. Which didn't succeed. "Mother", he hissed, "enough." Toni didn't respond.

"Dead." His mother laughed. Calling him a liar. "Mother it's true." Felix showed her a picture. His mother asked him what happened. Oh now she cares all of a sudden, Toni thought sarcastically. He knew he shouldn't say something like that. He had to cut her some slack. She didn't know what had happened. Toni sighed loudly. Maybe it would be for the best to tell her everything. So Toni did. He told her about his family. That they had been murdered by his own father. His mother screamed in protest. Claiming he was lieing. Their father had done what was best for all of them. He would never hurt anyone. That's when Toni had, had enough. Enough of the bullshit. He unzipped Lucas grey hoodie. Turned around and waited. He heard his mother gasp. At least he had gotten some form of reaction. At least it was something. "That's your husband's doing." 

His mother shakes her head. Claiming he is lieing again. There was nothing else Toni could do to convince her. His father had corrupted her so much she wouldn't believe anything else apart from what he told her. Toni knew when he had lost. There was no convincing her. Toni frowned. It was so incredibly sad. He felt pity for his own mother. She had been hurt and manipulated too. But if she wouldn't believe him, there was nothing else he could do. Some people were beyond saving. As sad as it was his mother was one of those people. Maybe in 10 or 20 years she would realize what kind of monster her husband was. "You are not my son." Toni felt like laughing and crying at the same time. "Ok", he said defeated. So be it.

His mother took her purse and left. Leaving both of their sons in the living room. Felix looked heartbroken. Hiding his face in his hands. Toni tried to comfort him. A hand squeezing his brothers shoulder reassuringly. "I am sorry Toni." The blond shakes his head. It's no ones fault. Their father had destroyed this family. He pulled Felix into a hug. His hand running through Felix' hair. While his brother holds onto him like a lifeline. Felix face was red and puffy from crying when they pull apart. His sobs echoing through the house. Toni cupped his cheek. Pating it lightly. Before he pressing their foreheads together. "I've still got you baby brother." Felix cried harder. Before wiping away the tears. Lucas had come out of the bedroom. Standing next to Toni. A hand on the blonds waist. The brothers hugged again in parting. Felix promising to call. Lucas is hugged tightly. "Please take good care of him for me." Lucas smiled at Felix and nodded. Felix raised his hand in parting. Toni winked at him. Before the door is shut with a soft click. 

Toni felt his legs shake. The tears now running down his cheeks. He had lost his mother. Toni shook his head in disbelief. It hurt so fucking much. His chest felt tight. Cutting of his air supply. Toni coughed. He could feel the panic begin to rise in his chest. Lucas was there in an instant. Taking his face in his hands. Talking to him slowly. Toni closed his eyes. Focusing on Lucas voice. Slowly regaining control of his own body. Lucas forehead pressed against his. And then his chest didn't feel that tight anymore. Lucas kissed his cheek and then his forehead. Grabbing his hand and leading them to the bedroom. Both of them climb into bed. Toni's head pillowed in Lucas chest. The Spaniard running a hand through the blond hair. Toni clung at him like a lifeline. "Te amo Antonio."

Toni just breathed. His husband's voice calming his racing heart and mind. It was balsam for his soul. Like a melody that tugged at his heartstrings. Softly and lovingly. Toni never doubted Lucas love for him. Never. They had been through too much for that.

His husbands love was all that mattered to him at the moment. His soul, how much it may hurt, would find peace again. 

He may have lost his mother but he still had his brother and his husband. Miro and the others. They were his family. Even if his mother wouldn't love him anymore. He had everything he needed. Right here.

Toni finally slept. Lucas' voice easing him to sleep like he was singing a lullaby. "Ich liebe dich auch", he mumbles before sleep finally claims him.


End file.
